The second I graduated high school I went directly into college. I was told that if I did not take some time off, I would never go back, I wouldn’t be able to stay on my parents’ health insurance and I would have to find a job that would support myself because my parents would not be willing to help me. Six years later, I’m in the process of changing my major for the third time, it’s the last night of the semester and i have three papers to turn in, one is a month overdue, one a couple of days, and the third was due yesterday at 4pm.
I regret not taking a break. I’m twenty-four years old, have been in college for six years and have nothing to show for it. Since my sophomore year of high school I have always held a minimum wage job while in school, three of those years I worked full time. Only recently I quit my job as a shift supervisor at Starbucks to focus on school and when that happened, I discovered how much fun having a social life can be and put school on the back burner. Or should I say kept school on the back burner.
What gets me is I know what I want to do. I want to be a litigator in criminal or international law. Both require years of schooling; schooling that i should be feverishly trying to finish in a rush to start my “real” life; the life i was meant to lead. Yet here I am, retaking a statistics class because I got a D+ and I need a C+ to completely transfer majors. I had to drop a class two weeks before the semester was over because I did not get the paper done in time and I had missed about a month of class. My reasoning? I just wanted to sleep. Getting up for even a 10:15am class was a struggle. What will it take for me to learn that i need to do this? When will I learn that I cannot float through college like I did in high school?
When i was in the eighth grade I had determined that I would be the valedictorian of my graduating class. Every night I focused on getting my homework done. I read the textbooks, I studied as much as I could, I had friends at school that I remember seeing outside of school as well. I played basketball at the local recreation park… I did everything I want to do now. Except I did not make valedictorian. I missed it by a fraction of a point because I got an 88 on a gym test and the valedictorian aced it. Since then my ambition has taken a nose dive. Maybe that is where my problem lies. Either way, I need to get my ass in gear. The disappointment I see in my mother’s face sickens me; it makes me wish I was a successful and determined person; going through life at an alarming speed. How do I make myself do that?